Wanted: One human soul, to be held in perpetuity. Preferably male. Must desire wealth. Must blame the poor for their poverty. Must deny climate change. Must live in the suburbs and drive an SUV. Must demonstrate love for family by being the sole breadwinner. "Bread" in this case to include (for example) 42-inch plasma screen TV, three family cars, two iPhones, four MacBooks, an annual trip to Disney World, a Nintendo Wii, a kitchen and bathroom refurb every five years, and weekly shopping binges. Must send kids to college. Must spend at least 80 hours a week at work. Must take a maximum of three days vacation per year, all of them at Christmas. Must not demonstrate despair of this lifestyle by wasting money on golf, prostitutes, alcohol addiction, gambling, or fast cars. Preferably reads the Wall Street Journal. Must support the US military. Must oppose gun control. Preferably Republican, though Democrats will be considered. Must attend church every Sunday. Preferably believes in God. Must believe in America.
Will exchange for: Ignorant bliss, self-righteous attitude or early promotion. May consider trading all three for an immaculate example of the specifications.